The Hawk: Part Three Read online

  Due to fatigue, Lynne skipped a catechism class, but attended the next, Eric at her side. The baby was expected at any time, but the couple didn’t want to miss any of their usual functions, in part that there were so few of them. The Aherns came for dinner, bringing the meal with them. Otherwise Lynne and Eric spent their days in the sunroom, Lynne seated in the large chair that Eric and Sam had moved in there for her comfort. If Lynne wasn’t posing for her husband, they were walking very slowly through the garden. Eric wanted three acres of scrub cleared, and Lynne noted the daffodils and barely emerging tulips. By the time the baby arrived, spring would have as well.

  When the Aherns visited, the Snyders didn’t speak about their few Catholic misgivings. The two couples yakked about the baby, but as the discussion turned slightly awkward in Sam’s hearing, Eric asked Sam to join him outside, if the weather was accommodating, or into the kitchen. Once Lynne was seated on the sofa, she would only move to use the toilet. Plus, Eric smiled, the kitchen was like Sam’s second home.

  On Saturday, the tenth of March, Eric and Sam had retired to the kitchen, and while their wives’ voices could be heard, the conversation was drowned out as Sam started washing dishes. Eric offered to assist, but Sam waved him off. “You sit and tell me the latest on Seth.”

  That was a subject Renee preferred to miss, and Eric sighed, standing but not stepping to where Sam dunked plates and utensils into soapy water. Eric walked to the front door, separated from Sam by the kitchen counter, but his voice wouldn’t be discerned by the women. “Seth’s about the same as when he arrived. Laurie says that if there’s no distinct change soon, the doctors will probably inaugurate shock treatments.”

  Sam nodded while rinsing dishes, placing them in the drainer. Steam rose from the plates, and Eric watched how Sam kept right on washing, rubber gloves protecting his hands.

  “Laurie says that one of his great-aunts had it done in the late forties, and she was never the same. That’s why his mother and her sister are resistant. He’ll lose memories, probably.” Eric had read up on the procedure, and while some patients suffered even worse afterwards, not all were so adversely affected. Memory loss was a common side effect, but Eric didn’t fear that Seth would forget how to sculpt. It was imbedded deeply within that man, just as painting was another manner in which Eric breathed. Painting Lynne’s portraits over the last few weeks had become so necessary; he wondered if he was trying to make up for those lost weeks in November and December, or was this a new phase solely related to impending fatherhood?

  When he and Lynne weren’t busy in the sunroom, or in their bedroom, they spoke of Eric’s recent creative spate, along with their musings about church. Now Eric wasn’t so sure about actually becoming Catholic; he felt it would be hypocritical to enter into that realm with doubts that still hadn’t been eased. But Lynne wasn’t quite as reticent, and he was glad for that, not wishing to color her decision with his hesitations. In their last catechism class, Father Markham had slyly mentioned St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church; he knew the pastor there, Marek Jagucki, a Polish emigrant and from Father Markham’s cordial tone, a good friend of the Catholic priest. Eric hadn’t done any more than drive past St. Matthew’s the last time he went grocery shopping. The church looked similar to St. Anne’s, and was on Lynne and Eric’s end of town.

  Eric hadn’t broached that issue with Lynne, although she had probably overheard Father Markham’s suggestion. It was just that, for Eric hadn’t been able to keep his reservations to himself during the class. He thought it was radical of Father Markham to suggest that Eric consider another church. More important to Jeremy Markham was that Eric found peace, regardless of the doctrine, yet Eric wasn’t so sure Father Riley would have been as accommodating.

  But to Sam Ahern, Eric only noted that if the doctors felt Seth would benefit from electro-shock therapy, perhaps that was the best course of action. Sam might frown upon Eric’s misgivings toward Catholicism the same way Seth’s relatives cringed at the idea of shock treatments. Sam finally said that whatever they decided, they shouldn’t wait around. Every day that Seth spent in hell was torturing his soul. No one deserved that kind of pain.

  Eric agreed, sitting at the table, as Sam started a pot of coffee. Sam stepped to the doorway, asking the women if they wanted a cup. Both said yes, and Sam returned, smiling at Eric. “Renee doesn’t even ask any more if it’s decaf. She drinks it no matter what.”

  “Lynne and I do too. But she doesn’t like it with a lot of milk. I tried that once, and she didn’t finish it.”

  Then Eric grew quiet, thinking of what they had spoken of at that time; he’d promised he would be there for their baby’s birth, and God willing, Eric would keep that vow. Then he chuckled quietly. Their lives had changed drastically since Lynne conceived, and as Eric considered the myriad ways, warmth flooded his heart. He would be there, he’d had no sense of impending change. Then he shook his head. Change was coming, but the only manner it might separate a husband from his wife was if Eric decided Catholicism wasn’t for him.

  “What?” Sam asked. “Something’s on your mind.”

  “What do you think of Lutherans Sam?”

  Sam stared at Eric. “Where’d that come from?”

  Eric smiled, then glanced at the coffeepot. “The joe ready yet?”

  Sam stood, reaching the counter. Then he gazed back at Eric. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

  Eric nodded. “Pour us some coffee, and I’ll tell you what I know.”

  When Sam and Renee left that evening, Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Renee all that he and Eric had shared. Part of it was that she would be deeply upset that Eric wasn’t sure about becoming Catholic. The main part was that Sam wasn’t at all surprised by Eric’s misgivings.

  Quietly Sam had spoken his mind, that he felt all soldiers, regardless of their faith or lack thereof, were children of God. Eric nodded, then had gripped Sam’s hands. They said nothing about Seth, or about Josh and Larry. Sam felt better with that truth aired; he knew it like he knew his name. Any man who had braved a battlefield was in Christ’s care, save those few whose hearts were truly overtaken by evil.

  Sam Ahern had known few adults converts to Catholicism. Not that he questioned his beliefs, but having grown up steeped in the rituals, they were a part of his character. If asked to describe himself, Sam would first note that he was a man, then a Catholic. Then he was Renee’s husband, a vet, with other labels falling accordingly. But for all the facets that made up Samuel Ahern, his faith was only topped by his gender. Or maybe they were intertwined. Had Christ felt that when alive, Sam had wondered, as Eric sipped his coffee, the women’s voices warming Sam’s heart. Those feminine murmurs reminded Sam that Jesus had spent much of his time on Earth among women. They had comforted him, and had watched him die. And they had all been Jewish. Sam had smiled upon that realization, but not alluded to it with Eric.

  What difference did it make whether Eric became Catholic or Lutheran, or Baptist for that matter? That Josh was a Protestant mattered not when Sam held him that last time. It hadn’t mattered that Larry wasn’t of Sam’s faith when that man died just weeks later, and it certainly wasn’t a concern every night when Sam said a rosary for Seth Gordon. Nor had it come into play when Sam had prayed for Eric, before that man had any sort of spiritual leanings. Yet Sam knew that within his faith his thoughts were far from acceptable. He had smiled that it was Father Markham to suggest St. Matthew’s to Eric. Jeremy Markham was a relatively young priest, his younger brother also a Korean War vet. They weren’t of the older generation who permitted no queries toward church teachings. Or maybe Sam was an anomaly. His family wouldn’t be pleased if he told them his views. Renee would understand, eventually. But at first she would roll her eyes, making him flinch. Those stoplight eyes would be trained on him for ages, trying to comprehend such irreverence.

  As Sam parked in their driveway, he tried to come up with some Biblical passage to support his position. Other than Gospel edic
ts that Christ came for all, nothing reinforced his idea, which he’d not held prior to going overseas. He probably hadn’t realized it until in the thick of battle, when suddenly God was the only notion Sam could conjure. God had saved his life, albeit with a caveat, but Sam Ahern had come home in one piece. He stared at his hands, wondering how Seth Gordon felt, unable to sculpt. Maybe it was akin to how Sam often times ached, not being able to make love to his wife.

  If Eric chose to be a Protestant, it wouldn’t matter to Sam which denomination. Lutherans were nearest to Catholics, Episcopalians a close second. Renee would squawk, but ultimately it was better that Eric had faith than not. And Eric did have faith; Sam carried no hesitation about that. Eric and Lynne both, which made Sam smile wryly. Two years ago, Sam had thought Lynne was an insane liar. Now she was almost a mother, who ached to have her baby properly baptized. But would that sacrament occur at St. Anne’s, or within another church?

  “Sam, we’re home.” Renee grasped his hand. “Or am I here alone?”

  He smiled, her eyes like a warning. “Yes, we’re home. I see that honey.”

  She squeezed his fingers. “Are you all right?”

  He nodded, gripping her hand. “Just thinking. Shall we go inside?”

  Renee rolled those stoplight eyes, then nodded. “Well yeah, I think we should.”

  Sam smiled, getting out of the car. They had insisted the Snyders keep the leftovers, so there was nothing to take into the house. Sam locked the vehicle, then escorted his wife to the porch. Before putting his key into the door, he embraced Renee, kissing her cheek. “I love you honey.”

  She permitted that exchange, then pulled away, staring at him. “Samuel Ahern, what’s going on?”

  He grinned, wondering if Lynne had mentioned anything related to what Eric had revealed. Probably not, or Renee would be more suspicious. “Nothing. Can’t a man tell his wife that he loves her?”

  She eyed him up and down. “A man can tell his wife that, but don’t expect her to take it without wondering what’s gotten into him. Is Eric gonna….”

  Sam shook his head, then unlocked their door. Stepping inside, he spoke quietly. “Eric’s not going anywhere.” Or he wasn’t for a while. Sam knew that as well, and was thankful for it. “Seth’s about the same, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

  Renee turned on lights, then sat on the sofa, not removing her jacket. “Sam, Lynne seemed different tonight. I don’t know if it’s related to Seth, or maybe that she’s finally gonna have….” Renee smiled, then looked into the room. “Sam, just tell me, because I know something’s on your mind.”

  Eric hadn’t made Sam take a pledge of silence, for Eric hadn’t even visited St. Matthew’s. But if Sam had to make a wager, he imagined that Eric wouldn’t become a member of the Catholic faith. Lynne still might, Sam had no idea to her feelings. But too many intangibles stood in the way for Eric. “I don’t think Eric’s gonna join us tomorrow at church.”

  Renee shook her head. “Well, I know that. Lynne said she’s too tired to go, and she felt bad about it, but I told her not to worry. That baby’s gonna pop any day now.”

  The lightness of Renee’s tone eased Sam. “Yeah, that’s what Eric said. I’m not sure they’re gonna go to any more catechism classes either.”

  “Well, they’ll be so busy. I just hope Father Riley won’t make them wait on the baptism. That’s important.”

  Sam nodded, stroking his wife’s soft hands. Suddenly he felt the urge, and he smiled, leaning toward Renee, pecking her earlobe. She giggled, then turned to him, her arms outstretched. They necked for a few minutes, during which time Sam was overwhelmed with desire. This happened so infrequently that for a moment he wasn’t sure if he shouldn’t just make love to her on the sofa, not wishing to lose the opportunity.

  But Renee had other ideas; she stripped off her coat, then her sweater and blouse. Sam gaped at her, then gladly stood as she did. They hurried to their bedroom, where a very pleasant love was made. Afterwards, Renee said nothing more about the Snyders, and Sam didn’t ponder them, other than offer a prayer; regardless of which faith they chose, they would celebrate it as a family. Sam grew hard again, then once more made love to Renee, both falling into a deep, peaceful sleep nestled against each other.

  Chapter 52